I love being a mom! I love my girls and everyday I get up and see their little faces I feel that love grow. However, being a mom is hard. I am not going to give anyone the impression that I am super mom, I have many a days where i shut myself in my room and scream into my pillow, why? Because being a mom is hard, never ending, ever stressing, mess cleaning, screaming in the car driving, laughing until your peeing, crying because you got smacked again in the nose with something, diaper changing, puke cleaning, food covered, sweat pant wearing, book reading, snuggling, hugging, boo boo kissing, work. I wouldn't trade a second with my girls for anything. I have days where I just want a break, I want some alone time, some time to just process and not be touched by jam hands, and that's okay. My mothers day revelation is that its okay, I don't have to do cloth diapers because the world is going to collapse in on itself...in which case heavenly father has me covered anyways, I don't need to always be on show, have my house crazy clean, never let my child throw a fit in public(heaven forbid), and its okay to have a break:-) I recently decided that i was going to sell my cloth diaper lot, that's where this all started. This past month I have been a crazy mess of business and grumpiness to which my little peanuts and Dallin have been the recipients. Then it hit me, the things i was making most "important" in my life were not the most "important" things. I am trying so hard to keep up with all the "cyber moms" (you know the ones that can do everything with ease and make you feel like crap for not making you kids birthday cake from scratch) that I am not being the mom I want my girls to remember me being. I don't want my kids to remember mommy being a stressed our basket case. I don't want them to look back and be like,"My mom was always flying off the handle, but at least she put us in cloth diapers!" They don't care! Cloth disposable, whatever, I am just using it as an example for me, if you do cloth diapers and that works for you and your family that's fine, I'm not hatting on it, its just an added thing i didn't need. Anyways I decided my time would be better spent reading to the kiddos, going to the park, playing in the pool, going to the river, painting, playdoughing, baking, singing, laughing, because that's what i want them to remember. I want to be the best mom I can be, not the best mom you are or the lady down the street, ME just me. I only get these few years with them being little, Emery is growing so fast and every time she has me measure her on the wall I am reminded about how quickly this time passes and how precious it is. I have so much to learn from my girls about how to live life. I feel like as adults we get so caught up in the world and we "should" be doing that we forget to live. So for this mothers day and everyone from now on, and everyday in between I am going to savor those moments, learn from my girls and remind myself that this age this phase of our lives is only for a season and before we know it they wont want to play hot lava monster with me because they will be to busy doing home work and hanging out with their friends. So my friends, I don't know if this was just a jumbled thought that made no sense, but it makes sense to me.
Happy Mothers Day!
Go give your little snuggle bugs a squeeze:-)
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2 comments:
This is my favorite blog post of yours yet. I laughed, I cried, I agreed. Sometimes I have to remind myself that people only post the postive and super-great things about their life. They neglect to mention their weaknesses, problems, and family issues. It's easy to think that everyone else has it all together, but nobody really does. Even I have bought a store-bought cake because really, my kids just want cake. I was lucky enough to get frosting on my cakes growing up that were made in a 9x13. (no, Emery's monkey cake was the bomb, though).
Plus, I've been talking to Dustin a lot about how Lillie doesn't even really need me anymore. Well, she's 5 1/2 and she obvs. still needs me, but she plays with her neighbor friend all day long and is so independant and doesn't have any desire to hang out with me very much unless she asks me to read her a book. So then I read her like, 12 each day because I feel it's the only real time we have together.
Anyway, you're doing what's right and I think you're a really, really good mom. Kids just want a mother who is there for them and who will love them consistantly. We all freak out time to time, and sometimes I make my kids eat sandwiches for lunch AND dinner, but they're happy and I'm happy.
THanks for your awesome post.
And P.S. I think you're amazing that you even did cloth diapers as long as you did! Dallin must love you for being so thrifty and green!
Amen!!! We're all doing the best we can!! Thanks for your wise words Jessie!!
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